--- title: 6 Tips on How to Beat the Holiday Blues in 2020 description: This year will be unlike others. Reality never quite seems to measure up, and the difference causes disappointment, hurt confusion, and frustration. image: https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/How%20to%20Beat%20the%20Holiday%20Blues.jpg --- [![Imago Relationships North America](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/IMAGO-Logo_Color-RGB.svg "Imago Relationships North America")](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [Donate](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/donate) - [Blog](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [Contact](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/contact-us) - - - [![Imago Relationships North America](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/IMAGO-Logo_Color-RGB.svg "Imago Relationships North America")](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [Professionals](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/professionals) - Training & Education - [Certification Training](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/professionals/imago-certification-training) - 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The season allows us an opportunity to reflect on the holidays' special meaning, whether related to personal relationships, family, or religion. However, we often also cope with family quarrels, busy friends, negative media focus, job difficulties,[relationship pain](https://www.lifehack.org/604192/love-hurts-the-pain-comes-in-6-different-stages), financial stress—all of this can leave you feeling depressed, anxious, and alone. So much of this pressure is built on envisioning how it **SHOULD BE**. Those ideas come from seeing[the perfect family](https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/why-we-need-to-look-past-the-perfect-family-on-instagram/) in magazines, movies, commercials, social media, and more.   Reality never quite seems to measure up, and the difference causes disappointment, hurt, confusion, and frustration. **This year will be unlike others, as many of us won't see extended family and friends.** The holiday season is crucial to practice staying mindful,[watching triggers](https://www.gottman.com/blog/noticing-understanding-and-getting-to-the-root-of-our-triggers/#:~:text=Relationship%20coach%20Kyle%20Benson%20defines,or%20situation%20from%20the%20past.), and not regressing into your childhood self. So, take time out to go for a walk or just breathe. Regular exercise and healthy eating can affect emotional well-being by relieving stress and raising spirits. If you've experienced the death of someone close to you, the holidays are when memories can come flooding back. Make the holidays meaningful by acknowledging what your loved one meant to you. Don't try to suppress your feelings. The love you felt for the person is in those feelings. ![Beat the Holiday Blues](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/wmTAdX2fbtaimDp-kEKtA81EpmeNYgHBWy6PBaswH5I6TtUHJiZb8-YkBaPhN5R0QzUnhxdPf_2KRZNgY7vHaCfNsGcDONtSKJNy4qeCBY0cAtDm7nhd4BUda2hLVV5Gc-j_uqHj.jpg?width=365&name=wmTAdX2fbtaimDp-kEKtA81EpmeNYgHBWy6PBaswH5I6TtUHJiZb8-YkBaPhN5R0QzUnhxdPf_2KRZNgY7vHaCfNsGcDONtSKJNy4qeCBY0cAtDm7nhd4BUda2hLVV5Gc-j_uqHj.jpg) ## **Tip #1 -  Manage Loneliness** Conversely, having no family during the holidays can cause significant stress and feelings of[isolation and loneliness](https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2020-11-22/coping-with-lockdown-loneliness-during-the-holidays). In this case, don't focus on what you think others are doing—go out and do something yourself. - Escape the holiday environment *(Walk in the woods, go to a place where the holidays are less prominent.)* - Volunteer -mask up and go where you are most needed: nursing homes, churches, hospitals, food pantry, etc. - Visit a place of worship or any place that brings you meaning and comfort. - [Video call a friend](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2020/may/21/the-zoom-boom-how-video-calling-became-a-blessing-and-a-curse) you haven't seen in a while. - Call an anonymous Hot-Line. Click[here](http://www.crisistextline.org/textline/?gclid=CJ74_t-o5dACFY9hfgodB44IbQ) for a full listing of where to call.  ![Holiday Blues](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/6ocOELOyM3mEKkEDbgOzg3ZKP-ZVV6ynhX6DDzWGiR_DqVcnRf_o_L0HS-Q96mhVkLyUzbf2p2-Yiu4qi2MVwMJwOHUVvP997P9NG31Ca6AllGXEP7eoHy2QWq3zst6h5aG6uOec.jpg?width=366&name=6ocOELOyM3mEKkEDbgOzg3ZKP-ZVV6ynhX6DDzWGiR_DqVcnRf_o_L0HS-Q96mhVkLyUzbf2p2-Yiu4qi2MVwMJwOHUVvP997P9NG31Ca6AllGXEP7eoHy2QWq3zst6h5aG6uOec.jpg) ## **Tip #2 - Manage Relationship Challenges** Because the holidays emphasize togetherness, relationship challenges are particularly difficult this time of year. If you're in a shaky relationship, make a pact that you'll be gentle with one another through the holiday season. Give each other the gift of signing up for a[couples workshop to deepen your love](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/couples-and-individuals/workshops) and connection.  If you've recently broken up, don't dwell on how much more fun you'd be having if you were still together. Don't troll Facebook and Instagram to compare your sad life with everyone else's highlight reels! If you're tempted to call the Ex, try to remember why you broke up. Own[your loneliness](https://time.com/5833681/loneliness-covid-19/). Restarting things during the holidays rarely works and will make you feel worse later on. ![Beating the Holiday Blues](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/x9kf75csikB3thw8OVjEvyO2-61wyKilBoKmUgKxIh_mLGCNikcochyJhHhvz13FKlgiemUaDRHX5NZQuxmyNmv5qZ_dYo-j7FVeFPcfpoe9PLX_M1aiNlZyuzyV2c0jhXNyCsYh.jpg?width=368&name=x9kf75csikB3thw8OVjEvyO2-61wyKilBoKmUgKxIh_mLGCNikcochyJhHhvz13FKlgiemUaDRHX5NZQuxmyNmv5qZ_dYo-j7FVeFPcfpoe9PLX_M1aiNlZyuzyV2c0jhXNyCsYh.jpg) ## **Tip #3 - Manage Unrealistic Expectations** **Aim for a comfortable holiday, not a wonderful one**. Forget what you think it's supposed to look like based on media expectations and commercialism. Start by entertaining the notion that most of life's disappointments wouldn't be nearly as devastating if we kept our[expectations more in line with reality](https://www.verywellmind.com/expectation-vs-reality-trap-4570968). Think back to a time when something you were reluctant to do turned out to be not so terrible after all—that delicious moment when you thought to yourself: "That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be." This revelation can bring a huge sigh of relief and remind us to keep expectations in check. Anytime we assume the worst, we set ourselves up for misery, even if the reality isn't all that bad. Similarly, it can help to be realistic about your chances for a holiday filled with nothing but serenity and happiness *(hint: The odds are pretty low)*. - Have you already forgotten about last year's[holiday dinner](https://www.marthastewart.com/1509173/ultimate-holiday-meal-our-guide) where everything wasn't what you'd hoped? - Did you vow this year would be different? Of course, this wishful thinking assumes you won't be exhausted from cooking, cleaning, shopping, wrapping, holiday preparations, and hoping people in your life will have new personalities!  Your holidays may not be everything you'll want, especially this year with a pandemic. By choosing not to set your expectations unrealistically low or high and allowing events to unfold naturally, you can[eliminate any pain and disappointment](https://www.oprahmag.com/life/health/a25372009/tips-to-be-happy/). Cultivating a little more humor and learning to laugh off those less than perfect moments can work wonders too!  #### Take Action: Start with a Deep Inventory of your Relationship with Aspects of the Holiday Season.  Ask the Following Questions:  - What do I like least about the holidays? Give yourself permission to let it go. - What do I like best about the holidays? Make time and energy to do those things. - Consider yourself before setting out to tackle others' agendas. *(in person or on Zoom)* - I also want to encourage you to[choose deliberate self-care](https://www.self.com/story/holidays-alone-self-care): ![Focus on Gratitude](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/XwT7f5RYUYHwpJaJ_mIcMbF_pUvLLz9G707C9-lnbqr_e0uZjOIsMYel5D6ZZcL2KqHaTaGJQ2CjLZx2BEuZMCs6zg3-kyUn49ulsYjVlH4AWwz3DZaMMkhQ6sMKqP4FA7q719Hx.jpg?width=365&name=XwT7f5RYUYHwpJaJ_mIcMbF_pUvLLz9G707C9-lnbqr_e0uZjOIsMYel5D6ZZcL2KqHaTaGJQ2CjLZx2BEuZMCs6zg3-kyUn49ulsYjVlH4AWwz3DZaMMkhQ6sMKqP4FA7q719Hx.jpg) ## **Tip #4 -Focus on Gratitude - Your key to Unlocking Happiness and Inner Peace.** Gratitude is being aware of and appreciating good things that happen and taking the time to express thanks. Praise and thanksgiving are an elevated form of prayer. It benefits your outlook, your attitude toward others, your mood, your health, your relationships, and your work. A[gratitude-filled approach to life](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/practice-gratitude-everything-sucks_l_5fb806f9c5b680f7c38b7f64) has the potential to enhance your general well-being both this holiday season and all year long. #### Create a Daily Gratitude List With a Piece of Paper Divided into Four Squares  - **Top Left Corner: ** - ** Top Right Corner:** - **Bottom Left Corner:** - **Bottom Right Corner:** The beauty of keeping a gratitude list or journal is that it[trains your mind](https://www.cnn.com/2016/11/23/health/thankfulness-wisdom-project/index.html) to start looking for what's positive throughout the day. ![Beat the Holiday Blues](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/Beat%20the%20Holiday%20Blues.jpg?width=367&name=Beat%20the%20Holiday%20Blues.jpg) ## **Tip #5 - Focus on Creating New Memories** Make this the year to lay the foundation for many holidays to come. So think about new ways to celebrate, new places to visit, new foods to prepare. By[creating a fresh set of traditions](http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/how-to-create-or-change-holiday-traditions), you will be giving yourself and your children something to look forward to this year. By replacing old memories with the new, you can make the holidays special again. ![Beat the Holiday Blues Tips](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/pexels-photo-4418745.jpg?width=367&name=pexels-photo-4418745.jpg) ## **Tip #6 -Commit to Living a Conscious Life** We can accept or[reject our causes of stress](https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2020/06/19/how-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety/?sh=37f90ebb47f5). Our choices are reflections of who we are as people. We can control our experiences of the holidays, or they can control us! Create a miracle for yourselves this holiday season - small or big!  If you are struggling with the holiday season, we are here to help with Imago[Relationship Workshops](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/couples-and-individuals/workshops) and[Relationship Therapy](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/couples-and-individuals/imago-therapy). **We also have Online Couples Therapy and Online Couples Workshops right now!  ** Discover more about Imago with our[**Imago Professional Membership**](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/membership)**,**[**Imago Professional Facilitators,**](https://imagorelationshipswork.com/organizations)[**Imago Professional Training**](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/community/profile-ref/manage-subscription/imago-professional-training) and[**Imago Educational Webinars**](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/community/user-ref/manage-subscription/imago-professional-training/33-about-imago/training/74-imago-insights-educational-webinars)**. **   ***Connect. Transform. Thrive.*** [***Imago Relationships***](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/)    --- *![Mary Kay Cocharo, LMFT - Imago Relationships North America](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/Mary%20Kay%20Cocharo%2c%20LMFT%20-%20Imago%20Relationships%20North%20America-Mar-16-2026-04-36-20-7698-PM.jpg?width=201&name=Mary%20Kay%20Cocharo%2c%20LMFT%20-%20Imago%20Relationships%20North%20America-Mar-16-2026-04-36-20-7698-PM.jpg)***This blog was written by [Mary Kay Cocharo, LMFT. ](https://www.mkcocharo.com/about)** I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. I have 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples, and families. I have two advanced certifications in working with couples: Imago Relationship Therapy and Encounter-centered Couples Therapy.  I work with spouses and parents to deepen communication, resolve conflict and rediscover the joy of being together. In addition to private sessions in my Los Angeles office, I am also passionate about leading workshops for Engaged Couples. With years of experience in premarital counseling, I am happy to offer an Imago based workshop entitled, Start Right, Stay Connected. I also facilitate a Weekend Couples Retreat, Over the Bridge, for couples wanting profound transformation. For couples who desire deep, intensive, quick resolution in a private setting, I also offer one and two-day Private  Intensives.  I have also been active throughout my career in educating and training students and interns to become practicing therapists. I have taught and supervised at various universities and training sites around Los Angeles. Prior to coming to California, I served as a team therapist and supervisor at Houston Child Guidance Center working with children and troubled adolescents. I have given numerous workshops and presentations, taught graduate courses, and supervised many interns on their way to becoming licensed. I am an active member of the California Association for Marriage and Family Therapists, Los Angeles Association for Marriage and Family Therapists, IMAGO Relationship Institute, and the Southern California IMAGO Institute. I am a Master Encounter-centered Couples Therapist.  I am active in various spiritual settings and community endeavors. I love my profession and truly enjoy helping others to heal, grow, develop a heightened state of well-being and create more love and peace in their lives.  Several years ago, I co-founded [The Conversation Group](http://www.conversationgroupla.com/), an organization of like-minded licensed and pre-licensed therapists.  We work with you in a very safe and collaborative way to create conversations that open up paths to clarity, insight, and healing which can motivate movement toward the life you desire. Join our [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ConversationGroupLA?ref=hl) page for daily meditations and healing quotations.   Topics: [Anxiety](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/anxiety), [Self Care](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/self-care), [Stress Relief](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/stress-relief), [Mental Health](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/mental-health), [Mental Fitness](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/mental-fitness), [Self Love](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/self-love), [Holiday Fun](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/holiday-fun), [Holiday Stress](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/holiday-stress), [personal growth](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/personal-growth), [Online Therapy](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/online-therapy), [Feeling Lonely](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/feeling-lonely), [Sadness](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/sadness), [Life Lessons](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/life-lessons), [Gratitude](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/gratitude), [Love and Acceptance](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/love-and-acceptance), [Pandemic Holidays](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/pandemic-holidays), [Holiday Planning](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/holiday-planning), [Coronavirus](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/coronavirus), [Holiday Blues](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/holiday-blues) ### About the blog The Imago Relationships Blog features content from our team of professional therapists, workshop presenters and facilitators who are passionate about helping you discover a new way to communicate and love your life. 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