It’s a new year, and like many people, you may be making resolutions toward better health or improved habits for a better quality of life.
Here are a few suggestions for resolutions that will strengthen your relationship, and improve your connection to your partner.
Pay more attention to your partner. Listen to understand him/her. Even when you disagree, rather than reply right away, find the understanding he/she makes; e.g., “what you’re saying makes sense because…” or “the part that makes sense to me is…”
Notice the behaviors of your partner that make you feel loved, and tell him/her. Do the behaviors that make your partner feel loved.
Notice the traits of your partner that you admire. Make a list of them and tell him/her.
Notice your partner more. Mention how nice s/he looks, paying particular attention to one or two details. “I love your hair like that” or “you look so nice in that dress”.
Tune into your partner’s love language. If it’s physical touch or affection, be sure to initiate a kiss or hug. If it’s quality time, be the one to ask your partner to go on a date where you can focus on him/her.
Deepen your connection with your partner, it’s not just about seeing everything eye to eye. It’s the ability to see the differences in each other and stay CONNECTING. It’s who we’re BEING when we become aware of otherness. It’s seeing and loving those parts of another person, even if we can’t identify it in our self.
Deepen your friendship with your partner. Show up, be authentically true to yourself, while at the same time show deep compassion for each other. Friendship in relationships is about safety, trust, caring, accepting each other, whether we agree or disagree.
Be more intentionally romantic. Make some positive changes to / in the bedroom. Change habits. Chances are one of you typically initiates sex. If you are not the one who fulfills that role, step into it by seducing your partner. Surprise!
If you are the one who most often initiates, change things up with something romantic that will help your partner feel deeply understood. You want your partner to want sex. That is most likely going to happen when you stop pushing and start getting (understanding) her/him. Go back to #1 above for a minute.
Feeling deeply understood is a powerful aphrodisiac. Feeling “gotten” by your partner was likely part of your initial (and intense) attraction. This is true in the bedroom. It’s about both people feeling pleasure.
Plan a date that is fun for both of you.
If you find that you have more negatives than positives, consider seeing an Imago Relationship Therapist.
Happy New Year!
This Tips Blog was written by Jeannie Ingram, LPC - MHSP, Certified Imago Relationship Therapist
Jeannie Ingram is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Coach, and Consultant. In her role as psychotherapist, she specializes in couples therapy as a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist and Getting the Love You Want Workshop Presenter. In workshops and in therapy, she helps couples move beyond destructive, painful arguing to improve communication, restore their connection, live and love in more positive, fulfilling, satisfying relationships.
Jeannie assists individuals who need help improving ineffective patterns or managing life transitions to find positive change or growth.
She has a Bachelors Degree in Psychology and a Masters in Counseling from the University of Alabama at Birmingham, as well as a Post-Baccalaureate Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy from Capella University. Jeannie helps couples reconnect in her private practice in Nashville, TN, and through her Getting the Love You Want and Start Right, Stay Connected Couples workshops in the Southeast.
She loves cooking, writing, hiking, kayaking, and sailing. Most of all, she is dedicated to helping couples and individuals find joy, meaning, success and connection through the practice of mindful, purposeful living and loving. Check out Jeannie's website: https://jeannieingram.com