Irritated? What to Do When Your Partner Annoys You

Posted by Imago Relationships North America on December 11, 2019 at 7:00 AM

3 minute read

Irritated? What to Do When Your Partner Annoys You - Imago Relationships North America

It's the Holiday season, and your partner is starting to annoy you! We all go through phases in our relationships and little things can get on our nerves after a while.

Did they forget to load their dishes in the dishwasher? Did they forget to call when they were late for dinner? Or, around the Holidays... Maybe they haven't offered to help purchase holiday gifts or help cook the big holiday meal?

These little things can add up and irritate you, especially during the Holidays when we're all busy with lots of extra events, errands and to do lists.    

Going through relationship phases is normal. How you move past the phase and little annoyances back into being deeply connected is what matters most.

In the book, Love Cycles The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love, Linda Carroll discusses the importance of practicing daily loving behavior to connect deeper with our partners.  She writes about the concept of being of service to your partner's soul, and how it will help us heal, grow and become more capable in our relationships. 

It can be a shift to think about serving your partner's soul vs. being irritated at them for leaving dishes in the sink. Right?  Well, the author shares that by practicing loving acts toward your partner each day, it can actually put you both in service toward each other. 

If this concept feels too far reaching for you right now, try to think about it as an opportunity to begin to turn your own negative thoughts around.

These steps will help you begin to refocus on why you truly love your partner. Shifting your thoughts just might help you remove the annoyances and fall in love all over again. Give it a try with these 4 steps.

What to Do When You're Irritated or Annoyed with Your Partner

  1. Reminisce about the beginning of your relationship and reimagine the possibilities.

    Take 5 - 10 minutes to reflect: 

    • What emotions did you feel on those very first dates with your partner? 

    • What was the exact moment you knew they were the one

    • What were the first few years like as you explored life together as a couple? 

    • What fun experiences did you have together?

    • What scary experiences did you have together?

    • How did you care for one another during good and bad times? 

  2. Locate a childhood photo of your partner - one that is truly adorable.

    • Carry your partner's photo with you in your wallet or in your car. Or, even post it on your social media and read all the sweet comments.  Try it for one solid week. 

    • Focus on how you feel when you reimagine your partner, the person you fell in love with as a younger person starting out in life.    

  3. Make a list of the most caring things your partner has ever said or done.

    • This list could be actions for you. Or, maybe for your mother, your children, your neighbors and your co-workers. 

    • Does he help your elderly neighbor carry in her groceries?

    • Does he answer the phone when your mother calls and talks to her for 20 minutes?

    • Does he offer to pick up the kids from their activities?

    • Does he encourage you to enjoy time with your friends? 

  4. Change your perspective. Are you annoying at times?

    Take the opportunity to list ways you might be annoying to your partner.

    • How has your partner shown forgiveness?

    • How has your partner shown patience?

    • How has your partner shown acceptance?

    • How does your partner accept your little quirks?

By going through these steps, do you have a clearer picture of your relationship?  Do you feel annoyed by your partner now? Or, could you be focusing on yourself a bit more? 

December can be a busy time of the year, however making the time to reimagine your partner will ensure your Holidays and your relationship are what you truly want and are filled with joy for you both. 

Start today: If you can't take all 4 steps, then pick at least one step to lift you both up as a couple.  Hopefully, this will be the start of the new normal for you and your partner as you move forward on your relationship journey and begin to grow closer.  

If you need more help with forgiveness, patience and acceptance in your relationship, we're here to help.  Check out our Imago Relationship workshops and therapy.   

Discover more about Imago with our Imago Professional Membership, Imago Professional Facilitators and Imago Professional Training.

Topics: Healthy Communication, Couples Quality Time, Holiday Stress, couples workshop, Getting the Love you Want

About the blog

52 tips for self-care and personal growth from Imago Relationship experts on breaking bad habits, what to do when you are in a crisis, how to move on after a bad breakup and healing relationships.

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