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Most people describe a committed love relationship consisting of two people. But we define a love relationship as "two people plus the Space-Between them.”
This Space-Between is a core theme in our work with couples. But, what is it and how does it help guide you and your partner to create a conscious, thriving relationship?
It may look like there isn’t anything between you and your partner. But there is. Consider outer space. Our universe is filled with stars, planets, meteors, and comets. We used to think the space between these celestial objects was empty. But, astronomers have proven that the dark space isn’t empty at all.
The dark space is filled with gravitational pull and energy fields that actually hold the planets in their orbits. Just because something is not visible with the naked eye doesn’t mean it’s not there. The intangibles, in fact, are often the invisible glue that holds it all together.
It's the Holiday season, and your partner is starting to annoy you! We all go through phases in our relationships and little things can get on our nerves after a while.
Did they forget to load their dishes in the dishwasher? Did they forget to call when they were late for dinner? Or, around the Holidays... Maybe they haven't offered to help purchase holiday gifts or help cook the big holiday meal?
These little things can add up and irritate you, especially during the Holidays when we're all busy with lots of extra events, errands and to do lists.
How to cope with the realization that you may be like the parent who hurt you.
Are you like the person who most hurt you growing up?
Most of us carry some form of injury from one or both of our parents. For some of us it’s on the more serious side of the continuum: We were physically abused, sexually molested, or seriously neglected.
For others, the injury was more subtle but left its mark nevertheless, taking root in our internal narrative and causing us to make internal oaths not to be like one or the other of our parents when we grow up and have children ourselves.
It's the Holiday season, and there's so much joy and happiness all around.
There's beautiful music playing on the radio, heartwarming movies on the TV, homemade cookies and treats at work, and even cards in the mail from old friends. It's a Wonderful Life, or at least we want it to be this time of year.
Is your home life wonderful right now? Are you and your partner connected deeply and in love? Or, do you struggle and find yourself in battles over the smallest things? There are no winners when you have unresolved conflict in your relationship. You both end up losing! The good news is…..You’re not alone and we have tips to help!
Do you and your partner have difficulties communicating? Do you have the same core fight over and over again? You know the one, it’s the dreaded topic that keeps coming back and never resolves!
Does it often feel as if you are each repeatedly working to ensure the other understands your point of view and your ‘way’ of doing things? Perhaps it appears that your partner is neither truly listening, nor appears to care?
If this pattern feels familiar, as it does for so many of us, it may be time to explore what keeps you in connection and what pulls you out of connection. While it seems overly simple to say better communication is vital in relationships, it’s true. And redefining communication as ‘going beneath the surface of what is being said’ can teach us how to change these dynamics in a lasting way.
Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you’re about to react harshly. Pause before criticizing. Pause before shaming. Pause before blaming.
If you can practice the pause to stay more mindful when you are feeling triggered and reactive, you’ll avoid saying or doing something you’ll most certainly regret later.
If you can practice the pause, you'll also spare you and your partner from relationship struggles. Or, worse rupturing your relationship beyond repair.
If you want to improve your relationship, one cardinal rule to follow is - don’t expect your partner to read your mind. This seems obvious, right? But many people operate this way, in an unconscious manner, almost daily.
Why is this a problem? Because most of us fail at mind-reading (or fail to succeed consistently) which leads to lots of problems with Misunderstandings and Disappointments, Resentment, Stress and Disconnection.
Expecting our partner (or parent, child or friend) to meet our needs without even asking, can also keep us personally unaware of our expectations and prevent important conversations about each other’s ideas, feelings, wants, needs and priorities.
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