A while ago, I read an inspiring article in The Guardian about several women working at the radical edge of sex-positive feminism, called "The Pleasure Revolution." This line particularly struck me: "#MeToo was about men imposing their pleasure on women. The pleasure revolution is about women asserting their pleasure."
It's Time to Claim Our Right to Sexual Pleasure
Women, it's time. It's time to assert our rights to our sexual pleasure. Throughout most history, men's pleasure has been prioritized, often at the expense of women's pleasure and even consent. Now, in the wake of the #MeToo movement, we have the opportunity to change the conversation.
Men are feeling unsure of themselves, uncertain of how to interact with women. They worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. They hesitate to flirt. Some are even becoming angry and joining Incel (involuntarily celibate) groups that target women for violence.
Rather than letting men continue to flounder or expecting them to figure it out for themselves, we need to step up and speak out. But before we can do that, we need to claim our right to our sexual pleasure, and we need to understand our desires.
Begin Your Sexual Empowerment Journey with 10 Questions:
Do you know what turns you on sexually?
What kind of pleasurable sensations do you like best?
Do you know how to masturbate?
Are you comfortable masturbating?
Do you enjoy masturbating while having sex with a partner?
Do you know how to talk about what you like and what you want during sex?
Are you ashamed of your desires?
Do you feel bad that you don't look like a model?
Are you embarrassed by your noises?
Do you believe you have a right to your pleasure?
When you can learn the answers to your questions and learn to let go of shame, embarrassment, and the negative belief that you don't have a right to your sexual pleasure, you can experience a sexual awakening.
You'll then be empowered to share what you want and need in the bedroom with your romantic partners. You will be more confident about establishing and maintaining your boundaries. You'll be prepared to consent enthusiastically or firmly deny consent to any kind of interaction (not just overtly sexual), based on what is true for you in any given moment.
It is time for a pleasure revolution. It is time for women to assert their right to pleasure.
This blog post was written by Dr. Tammy Nelson, PHD, CST, CSCT, LPC, LADC .
Tammy is a sex and relationship expert, an international speaker, an author and a licensed psychotherapist with almost thirty years of experience working with individuals and couples. In private practice she focuses on helping people of all ages, orientations and genders find love, healing and passion.
Tammy is a Board Certified Sexologist, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Imago Relationship therapist, and a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor. She is the author of When You’re The One Who Cheats, Ten Things You Need to Know, The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity and Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together as well as What’s Eating You: A Workbook for Teens with Anorexia, Bulimia, and other Eating Disorders.
She has many other eBooks including Six Weeks to Erotic Recovery, as well as chapters and articles on topics ranging from sexuality, desire, affair recovery, monogamy issues, open marriage, online infidelity, intentional divorce, passionate relationships and everything related to couples.
She has been a featured expert in NY Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, RedBook, MSNBC, Men’s Health, Woman’s Day, and has been a source for Time Magazine. She writes for the Psychotherapy Networker, is a blogger for Huffington Post and YourTango, and can be followed on Facebook, Twitter and her blog.