Get the Sex You Want - 7 Tips

Posted by Dr. Tammy Nelson, PHD, CST, CSCT, LPC, LADC on April 28, 2020 at 10:54 AM
Dr. Tammy Nelson, PHD, CST, CSCT, LPC, LADC
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Couple - Imago Relationships North America

Do you want more sex?

Do you want better sex? 

A lot of people are in relationships that they like, with partners they are attracted to, who want sex, and enjoy intimacy.

But, life gets in the way even when we are spending lots of time Sheltered in Place due to the Coronavirus Pandemic.  

If this is your story, and you want more or better sex, these seven tips might help you change that today!  

Tip #1 - Put the phone down.

Better yet, don’t bring it into the bedroom at all. Just having it beside the bed can be a temptation – don’t scroll or swipe with your partner lying next to you. While our phones and other devices can make us feel more connected to our friends and family, using electronics in bed will decrease the likelihood that you will increase intimacy or connection with your partner.

Tip #2 - Reach out physically to your partner more often throughout the day.

Let them know you’re thinking of them. A casual (or not-so-casual) touch can often break up the monotony of routine life and keep you more physically connected. Touching can help increase the potential for sex later in the day. It’s hard to go from 0 to 60 with no buildup.

Tip #3 - Talk to your partner about how much sex you’d like to be having.

Tell them what kind of sex and specifically what kind of touch you’d like during sex. None of us are mind readers. And even if you’ve been together a long time and think you know what turns the other person on, try asking them if anything has changed, or if they’d like to switch things up a bit.

Tip #4 - Get enough sleep. Eat well. Drink enough. Deal with your stress.

When you’ve taken care of all of these self-care items, you’ll be more likely to be in the mood or more willing to get there.

Tip #5 - Help your partner reduce their stress level.

Is there something you can take off your partner’s plate to help reduce their stress or workload? Some women find the sight of their partner doing the dishes incredibly sexy…

Tip #6 - Deal with your issues.

Learn how to resolve arguments and how to soothe yourself during times of conflict. Resentments can get in the way of feeling loving or sexy toward your partner. Learn to take deep breaths and even a time out if you need it.

You might also be interested in the book Getting the Sex You Want.  It teaches you how to build sexual communication skills quickly and connect with your partner in a new way. You’ll learn exercises that enable you to communicate your sexual needs and desires, get past old issues, and revive the passion in your relationship.

Getting the Sex You Want - Tammy Nelson

Tip #7 - Reach out for help.

If you’ve tried everything, and you are still not getting the sex you want, get help from a therapist. Counseling can help you discover where the problem originates and give you the tools you and your partner will need to overcome the obstacles between you and help you create a satisfying sex life.

We are here to help with Imago Relationship Workshops and Relationship Therapy. We also have Online Couples Therapy and Online Couples Workshops right now!  

Discover more about Imago with our Imago Professional Membership, Imago Professional Facilitators, Imago Professional Training and Imago Educational Webinars


Connect. Transform. Thrive.


Dr. Tammy Nelson, PhD - Imago Relationships North America
This blog post was written by Dr. Tammy Nelson, PHD, CST, CSCT, LPC, LADC

Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., is a sex and relationship expert, an international speaker, an author, and a licensed psychotherapist with almost thirty years of experience working with individuals and couples.

She is a TEDx speaker and host of the podcast The Trouble with Sex and the author of six books, including Open Monogamy; A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement, Integrative Sex & Couples Therapy, When You’re The One Who Cheats, Ten Things You Need to Know, The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity and Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together as well as What’s Eating You: A Workbook for Teens with Anorexia, Bulimia, and other Eating Disorders.

Tammy is the Executive Director of the Integrative Sex Therapy Institute and a Board Certified Sexologist, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Imago Relationship therapist, and a Certified Sex and Couples Therapist.

She has been a featured expert in hundreds of articles, including the NY Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, and a source for Time Magazine. She can be found on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook and at 


Topics: Sex Therapy, Marriage Issues, Male Sexuality, Body Image, Sexual Desire, Sexual Trauma, Erotic Language, Sexual Communication, Female Sexuality, Getting the Love you Want, Creating Healthy Relationships, Get The Sex You Want

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52 tips for self-care and personal growth from Imago Relationship experts on breaking bad habits, what to do when you are in a crisis, how to move on after a bad breakup and healing relationships.

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