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Do you and your partner go on regular dates? Do you laugh, play, and enjoy each other's company? Or, are you stuck in the routine of rushing to work, rushing home, rushing through errands, rushing to kid activities, and then crashing at night to sleep as much as possible?
So, just where did that fantasy of marriage and relationships being a "happily ever after" experience go in our lives? We sure didn't dream as children about hectic schedules and rushing through our daily lives!
The real question is... How do we get unstuck from the daily loop of rushing through life? How do we allow ourselves and our partners the opportunity to savor moments to connect and love one another more deeply?
Have you ever wondered why our closest intimate relationships provide our deepest comfort and solace, but can also cause us to feel our loneliest, most unsupported and frightened?
Much of this contrast evolves from early socialization and romantic notions encouraged by pop culture, literature, and fairy tales, which emphasize the intoxicating excitement of romantic love (and even the spark of a great new friendship) and omit the critical component of nourishing a relationship.
A relationship can offer ongoing warmth and security and be a source of many good things. The key is ...
Relationships can be amazing! We can experience such closeness, compatibility, and enjoyment from sharing our lives with the one we love. Sometimes, though, we just need a little space from it all - and that includes space from our partner.
Perhaps, we need a little emotional space to pause communicating about our kids' schedule, bills that are due, home repair projects, laundry that's piling up, and more.
So, how do we ask for personal space without hurting the feelings of our loved ones?
How to Repair a Rupture in Your Relationship Today!
Think back to the last argument you had with your partner. Did you feel intense emotional pain afterward? That’s likely due to the fact you experienced a rupture in connection during and after the argument.
When you feel disconnected from your partner, feelings like anxiety and fear of abandonment are often activated. These feelings can cause emotional pain that may even evolve into physical symptoms, such as headaches, back pain, and digestive issues.
The roots of these feelings run very deep, way back into infancy. When you were in the womb, every one of your needs was met by your mother. You were connected to her through your umbilical cord, kept safe and warm inside her womb. When you were born, the cord was cut, and your needs were no longer met right away. You cried when you were hungry, tired, or wet because if your needs were not met, your survival was under threat. As an infant, a pattern of thought began recurring in your brain. The basic thought pattern was something like, “If no one cares for me, I die!”
So many of us wish for a better world! Maybe a world with less political divide, less disease and illness, less division within communities, and less social media bashing. Perhaps, we even yearn for more love, understanding, and kindness in our world, communities, homes, and relationships.
During times of uncertainty, we can accomplish so much more when we all work together. By helping one another to plant the seeds of kindness and spread those seeds as much as possible, the scary times won't be as bad. As Mr. Rogers says, when times are scary... "Look for the helpers." Are you helping where you can today?
As human beings, we are all connected, so it's essential to focus on first things first ...
The Key to Managing the Stress of COVID-19 in Your Relationship
The Novel Coronavirus is causing anxiety on so many fronts. It's the uncertainty of so many unknowns that are raising the collective anxiety around the world. People feel anxious about their own health and that of their loved ones, how to take precautions best, and the impact of an economic downturn. The situation changes daily and, sometimes, hourly. People are feeling out of control, and that causes all sorts of reactions.
Humans don't like anxiety. It's a really uncomfortable feeling. I often say, "we'll sell our souls to get rid of anxiety." The anxiety caused by this virus may be creating tension in your relationship because of how you and your partner cope with anxiety. You may cope by reading everything every day, buying ten bottles of hand sanitizer, talking about it a lot, and canceling many outings. Your partner may cope by minimizing the degree of threat of the virus and going about life as usual. You end up quarreling about each other's reactions.
There are so many new decisions to make...
Tips to Hunker Down and Lift Yourself Up
We are living in a time of wondrous extremes; there is fear, illness, and quarantine and also so much help, connection, and loving efforts.
As we stay home in isolation, so much comes up. It is unique for each person. As the Chinese character for CRISIS is translated to include both Trauma and Opportunity, so we can benefit ourselves by attending to both.
This blog will include tips for ideas, practices, and resources to add to your holistic health and well-being, whether you are spending this time mainly alone or with others.
Quarantined and Stuck Together? How to Communicate with Care
During times of intense stress, vulnerability, and anxiety or fear, we as humans tend to revert to old patterns of behavior. After all, we are all wired to survive, as Stan Tatkin so eloquently reminds us in his work "Wired for Love."
Each of us has a pattern of behavior that will show itself during difficult times. While we are unique individuals, nevertheless, our reactions fit within how neuroscientists understand our primitive brain to work. Our Fight-Flight-Fear response quite literally hijacks our rational self.
Life may feel like a tug of war, particularly at this time; the push and pull of needs between "you" and "me" or "us" and "them" may feel unending at present. So, what if we reframe the tug of war to a balancing act, and imagine ourselves on a teeter-totter? We can shift our attention from ...
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