Is anything more painful than betrayal? Perhaps not, at least on the topic of relationships. Though common (one fourth to one half, depending on who you ask), this type of rupture is excruciating, and often fatal to the relationship.
Most often, the betrayal seems insurmountable at first. Reactions are understandably strong and absolute; e.g., “I could never be with you again”. “I will always be angry and resentful”.
Healing and recovering from an affair does take time, but it is possible if both people are willing to do the work. How long it takes depends on a number of variables, but I have found on average that two years is a fair estimate. Obviously, for some, it takes longer, and others dig deep and work it out sooner. Much of it depends on motivation and willingness to listen and understand.
One of the best things you can do for your marriage and for your overall happiness is to actively cultivate an attitude of gratitude. It requires some dedicated focus, but it’s much easier than you think!
Here’s an example why:
Last year we decided to paint our house gray, so we looked at many shades of gray at the store. We even compared all the gray houses in our town, and then one day I noticed the perfect shade of gray on a parked car - so I took a picture! I was relieved and never thought about finding that perfect color again. Yet, my brain took over and for the next two weeks, I somehow noticed 10 gray cars.
The point of the story is that you’ll always find more of what you search for in life, and your brain is very helpful in noticing things you want to pay attention to and looking for evidence to support what you already believe. This action in our brain is called confirmation bias, and it relates to our personal relationships as well.
Topics: Healthy Relationships, Conflict Resolution, Happy Relationships, Resolve Conflict, Appreciation and Gratitude, Eliminating Negativity, Relationship Therapy, Couples Therapy, Imago Relationships, couples workshop, therapy
Did you know that money is one of the top areas of conflict for couples? Maybe not, but when you think about money issues couples experience doesn't it seem like the problem is simply about savings vs. spending?
Well, it's not always easy when we talk about money with our loved ones. In fact, there are 10 top areas where couples fight over money.
Topics: Money Issues, Managing Conflict, Money Fights, Relationship Therapy, Couples Therapy, Healthy Connection, Healthy Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Imago Relationships, Adulting, Defense Mechanisms, couples workshop, therapy
There are so many positive suggestions about managing conflict and how to divorce-proof your marriage. As an Imago Relationship therapist for over 25 years, I have seen many marriages go the distance, and there are definitely some key things that the marriages that make it have in common. Here are 6 easy steps on how to resolve conflict and minimize any marriage issues you and your partner may have.