The holiday season brings joy, connection, and time with loved ones, and it can also add extra stress to our closest relationships. With packed schedules, family gatherings, and heightened expectations, tensions can rise, making clear, respectful communication more essential than ever.
Whether you're navigating difficult conversations or simply trying to stay on the same page, these five tips will help you improve communication with your partner during the holiday season.
By embracing empathy, patience, and mutual respect, you can strengthen your bond and overcome any holiday challenges.
Tip #1: Respect Different Styles of Communication
When stressed, some individuals embrace an inward style - like a turtle - keeping things inside and minimizing their emotions. They need time to think and freedom from pressure to share their thoughts. They speak and share slowly, taking pauses between sentences.
Others have an outward style, more like a Tiger. When under pressure, they become more expressive, maximizing their emotions. They talk animatedly and want to process what happened out loud and in the moment.
There is no right or wrong. They are just different communication styles. Respecting your partner and understanding their communication style is essential.
Tip #2: Check In With Your Partner Before Important Conversations
Do a quick check-in with your partner, especially if the topic of conversation is sensitive or important to you both. Start by asking simple questions like, "Are you available to talk now?" This simple question is essential and an excellent way to ensure your spouse will truly hear you.
If your partner says no, it's not a good time, offer an alternative time. Making this simple suggestion for another time respects your partner's current situation and emphasizes their importance in the conversation. Honor the alternative time suggested, as their input is crucial.
If you're the partner waiting for the conversation, manage the delay and understand that your chances of being fully heard will increase when your spouse is more fully available.
Tip #3: Prioritize Actively Listening While Your Partner Shares
Set yourself into active listening mode and resist the urge to do any of the following:
- Defend yourself
- Offer explanations
- Interrupt your spouse with corrections
- Ask for clarifications
Instead of doing any of the above behaviors, summarize what you've heard and ask, "Is there more?"
Trust that actively listening will help you understand more thoroughly and find a better solution to what is happening. Defending and explaining when your spouse is talking makes things worse.
Tip #4: Focus on Paying Close Attention to Your Body
Depending on the conversation, your energy will become constricted. Your whole body might shut down or go into defense mode because you feel “attacked.”
Make sure you remember to breathe. Remember how babies breathe when sleeping. Follow the rhythm of their breathing.
When you breathe, you create space for mature thinking, even during challenging conversations.
Remind your brain the person in front of you is your special person, your beloved partner.
Tip #5: Choose Honor Over Reactivity
Choose to be the person who focuses on honoring your significant other. It’s possible, always. Even during the most challenging conversations, vow that you will not engage in any of the following:
- Aggressive behavior
- Name-calling
- Any other disrespectful actions
Instead, focus on developing a personal statement of positivity and repeat it aloud at least three times a day. Try something like the following:
- I honor my partner and will not act toward them disrespectfully, even when I am outraged.
By practicing these five communication tips, you can nurture a resilient, compassionate relationship that thrives—even through the holiday hustle and bustle. Respecting each other’s differences, staying attuned to your partner’s needs, and choosing honor over reactivity can make a world of difference.
As you approach the season, let empathy, patience, and kindness guide your interactions, ensuring that the holidays become a time to deepen your connection and celebrate each other. Here’s to a season filled with warmth, understanding, and joy in your relationship!
If you need communication help in your relationship, we're here to help. Check out our virtual and in-person Imago Relationships Workshops and Imago Relationships Therapy.
Discover more about Imago with our Imago Professional Membership, Imago Professional Facilitators, Imago Professional Training, and Imago Insights Education.
This blog post was written by Dr. Kerley Most, Ph.D, LPC.
Dr. Kerley Most is an experienced integrative psychotherapist who facilitates holistic healing for individuals and couples. With a background in providing care in diverse cultural environments, she offers valuable insights and methods for promoting resilience and well-being among aid workers, especially those in international settings. Her expertise extends to groups/individuals relationship building, stress management, resilience training, and racial trauma healing.
During her 11 years as a humanitarian in West Africa, Dr. Most gained extensive experience mentoring teams and local leaders. Her work in Brazil's rural and urban contexts also provided her with a deep understanding of nurturing emotional and spiritual growth in varied communities. As an advanced-certified Imago Relationships Clinician with a PhD in Counseling Education and Clinical Supervision, she brings a wealth of knowledge and a commitment to upholding best practices and ethical standards in her work.
Dr. Most is passionate about developing therapeutic approaches that foster social justice, safe and intentional connection, and healing. She holds professional counseling licenses from DC, Maryland, and Virginia. She lives with her family in Maryland, and loves music, dancing, family/community gatherings and watching a good movie.
