--- title: Growing a Healthy and Loving Relationship description: "Love is indeed the answer. It always has been, and always will be. It's the question that needs examining, that question being: who do you love?" image: https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/shutterstock_725270527.jpg --- [![Imago Relationships North America](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/IMAGO-Logo_Color-RGB.svg "Imago Relationships North America")](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [Donate](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/donate) - [Blog](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [Contact](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/contact-us) - - - [![Imago Relationships North America](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/IMAGO-Logo_Color-RGB.svg "Imago Relationships North America")](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [Professionals](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/professionals) - Training & Education - [Certification Training](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/professionals/imago-certification-training) - [Educational Webinars](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/members/imagoinsights-education) - 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[Relationship Tips](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/relationship-advice) - [Imago Blog](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [About](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/about-irna) - [About IRNA](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/about-irna) - [Diversity and Inclusion](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/diversity-inclusion) - [Donate](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/donate) - [Become a Member](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/professionals/membership) - [About Imago](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/about-imago) - [Imago Around the World](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/around-the-world) # Growing a Healthy and Loving Relationship Posted by [Jeannie Ingram, LPC-MHSP](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/author/jeannie-ingram-lpc-mhsp) on February 12, 2021 at 6:00 AM ![Jeannie Ingram, LPC-MHSP](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/Jeannie%20Ingram%2c%20LPC-MHSP.jpg) Find me on: [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/Nashville.Relationships) [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Jeannieingram) 3 minute read ![shutterstock_725270527](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/shutterstock_725270527.jpg?width=760&name=shutterstock_725270527.jpg) It's [Valentine's Day](https://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day-2), and ❤️ is in the air. Not for everyone, unfortunately. As a therapist, I'm often needed when love is no longer in the air. A [heart has been broken](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/how-to-recover-from-a-breakup), and love has turned cruel. Or the [pain of loneliness](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/feeling-lonely-in-a-relationship) has become unbearable. Only occasionally do people seek therapy when love is blooming like the daffodils. But take heart. Like the words in so many songs, love is indeed the answer; it always has been, and always will be. It's the question that needs examining, that question being, "who do you love"? ![Love Yourself](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/pexels-photo-41661431.jpeg?width=367&name=pexels-photo-41661431.jpeg) ## **Love Yourself First** People often give their love to another before they've ever truly explored what it means to love themselves, and this can be a setup for problems in the relationship. Why? Because until you truly deem yourself worthy of love, you may [sabotage the love of another](https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-sabotage-romantic-relationships-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/), finding it difficult to trust. It's like building a mansion on quicksand. It may be beautiful at first, but after a short time, it will likely disappear. To experience a [sustained, loving relationship with another](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/relationship-advice/how-to-make-a-relationship-last-tips-exercises), you must have a sustained, loving relationship with yourself to receive love with an open and undefended heart. I am not talking about narcissism, which is an ego-inflated sense of self-importance. I'm referring to a [healthy and loving understanding of self](https://tinybuddha.com/blog/what-self-love-means-20-ways-be-good-to-yourself/) and truly knowing that your value is at least that of others. All of us have equal value. Believe it or not, many people struggle with this. For some, it's due to [leftover childhood shame](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-shame-affects-our-dating-relationships-in-middle-age_b_6988210) or negative messages that program us into thinking something is wrong with us or that we're not worthy of love. Again, if we didn't get it as children, it's hard to trust when it tries to come into our adult life. ![Create Healthy Relationship](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/pexels-photo-5705889.jpeg?width=375&name=pexels-photo-5705889.jpeg) ## **Love is a Verb** Love is about action. Love is about caring behaviors. Many people believe love is a feeling, and it certainly can be. Still, that feeling is ultimately the result of how we [demonstrate our love](https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/love/ways-to-show-love-and-affection/) in both giving and [receiving.](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/receiving-love) To expect the feeling of love without [actively nurturing](https://www.gottman.com/blog/everyday-ways-to-reconnect-and-nurture-your-relationship/) it through everyday actions is like expecting fruit from a non-existent tree. If we want to grow the fruit of love, we must first take the action steps of planting and nurturing the tree. Then we can expect the fruit or the feeling of love to blossom. **![How to Create a Loving Relationship](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/pexels-photo-744667.jpeg?width=369&name=pexels-photo-744667.jpeg)** ## **Tips to Grow the Love Tree** - Find ways to [express your love](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/express-your-love?utm_campaign=Relationship%20Tips&utm_content=139512042&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&hss_channel=fbp-707962979310468), and don't be confused by advertising messages.  - Spending money to [show your love](https://www.bustle.com/articles/176886-9-ways-to-be-more-romantic-in-your-relationship-when-you-cant-afford-date-night) is unnecessary.  - Showing love [through your language](https://www.5lovelanguages.com/5-love-languages/), thoughtful, caring behaviors, and realistic expectations.  - Replacing demands with requests and appreciations allow the flow of love. - Refrain from [language that criticizes](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/stop-abusing-your-partner-with-negativity), condemns, disparages, and shames. It will create misery, not love. Instead, reframe into expressions of desire, encouragement, and gratitude. - Try seeing mistakes as opportunities for redemption and [forgiveness rather than punishment](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/forgiveness_b_2006882#:~:text=Forgiveness%20means%20giving%20up%20the,with%20the%20practice%20of%20forgiveness.). - Try seeing yourself as a human being who, like everyone else, is searching and worthy.  - Practice random [acts of kindness](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/relationship-advice/kindness-acts) toward yourself, as well as toward strangers. ![How to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/heart-1721592__480_small.jpg?width=372&name=heart-1721592__480_small.jpg) This is the way we should all be treated, and no one, not even you — should be an exception. Because, like[being in love](https://www.mydomaine.com/whats-the-difference-between-being-in-love-and-love-3976739), it sets you up for inner peace, success, and joy in life. Who doesn't want that?  When you have[love and peace toward yourself,](https://www.popsugar.com/love/Reasons-Love-Yourself-Before-Loving-Someone-Else-44082529) you're much more likely to attract and maintain genuine love with another person. So this Valentine's Day, may I suggest that you give yourself the [gift of love](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/gifts_b_4489871). Begin by looking in the mirror and seeing the person who most deserves it. And love that person with your whole heart and your actions. Love is, after all, the answer. ❤️ If you're struggling with joyful and healthy love in your life, we are here to help. Check out our Imago [Relationship Workshops](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/couples-and-individuals/workshops) and [Relationship Therapy](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/couples-and-individuals/imago-therapy). **We also have Online Couples Therapy and Online Couples Workshops right now!  ** Discover more about Imago with our **[Imago Professional Membership](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/membership), [Imago Professional Facilitators, ](https://imagorelationshipswork.com/organizations)****[Imago Professional Training,](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/community/profile-ref/manage-subscription/imago-professional-training)** and [Imago](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/community/user-ref/manage-subscription/imago-professional-training/33-about-imago/training/74-imago-insights-educational-webinars)**[Insights Education.](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/community/user-ref/manage-subscription/imago-professional-training/33-about-imago/training/74-imago-insights-educational-webinars). **   ***Connect. Transform. Thrive.*** [***Imago Relationships***](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/)  --- ![Jeannie Ingram, LPC-MHSP - Imago Relationships North America](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Membership%20(internal)%20/images/Jeannie%20Ingram%2c%20LPC-MHSP%20-%20Imago%20Relationships%20North%20America.jpg?width=160&name=Jeannie%20Ingram%2c%20LPC-MHSP%20-%20Imago%20Relationships%20North%20America.jpg) This blog post was written by Jeannie Ingram, LPC - MHSP, Certified Imago Relationship Therapist Jeannie Ingram is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Coach, and Consultant. In her role as psychotherapist, she specializes in couples therapy as a Certified [Imago Relationship Therapist](https://jeannieingram.com/services/couples-therapy/) and **Getting the Love You Want** Workshop Presenter.  In workshops and in therapy, she helps couples move beyond destructive, painful arguing to improve communication, restore their connection, live and love in more positive, fulfilling, satisfying relationships. Jeannie assists individuals who need help improving ineffective patterns or managing life transitions to find positive change or growth. She has a Bachelors Degree in Psychology and a Masters in Counseling from the University of Alabama at Birmingham, as well as a Post-Baccalaureate Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy from Capella University. Jeannie helps couples reconnect in her private practice in Nashville, TN, and through her Getting the Love You Want and Start Right, Stay Connected Couples workshops in the Southeast. She loves cooking, writing, hiking, kayaking, and sailing. Most of all, she is dedicated to helping couples and individuals find joy, meaning, success and connection through the practice of mindful, purposeful living and loving.  Check out Jeannie's website:  [https://jeannieingram.com/](https://jeannieingram.com/)   Topics: [Finding Love Again](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/finding-love-again), [Online Couples Workshop](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/online-couples-workshop), [Getting the Love you Want](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/getting-the-love-you-want), [personal growth](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/personal-growth), [Receiving Love](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/receiving-love), [Creating Healthy Relationships](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/creating-healthy-relationships), [Online Couples Therapy](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/online-couples-therapy), [Life Lessons](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/life-lessons), [Mature Love](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/mature-love), [Unhealthy Love](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/unhealthy-love), [Healthy Love](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/healthy-love), [Love and Appreciation](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/love-and-appreciation), [Valentines Day](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/valentines-day), [Love Yourself First](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/love-yourself-first), [Expressing Love](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/expressing-love) ### About the blog The Imago Relationships Blog features content from our team of professional therapists, workshop presenters and facilitators who are passionate about helping you discover a new way to communicate and love your life. 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