--- title: "Pregnancy Loss and Relationships: How to Cope, Heal, and Find Emotional Support" description: Pregnancy loss can feel isolating, but you are not alone. Discover compassionate support, guidance, and resources to help you cope, heal, and find hope after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. image: https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/pregnancy%20loss%20and%20healing.jpg --- [![Imago Relationships North America](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/IMAGO-Logo_Color-RGB.svg "Imago Relationships North America")](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [Donate](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/donate) - [Blog](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [Contact](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/about/contact-us) - - - [![Imago Relationships North America](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hubfs/IMAGO-Logo_Color-RGB.svg "Imago Relationships North America")](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/) - [Professionals](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/professionals) - Training & Education - [Certification Training](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/professionals/imago-certification-training) - 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If you are the person who carried the pregnancy, it can be difficult to know who to talk to about the experience, what to do to express your grief or find follow-up medical care. With changing reproductive laws in the US, this process is even more confusing and isolating. If you are in a relationship when you experience loss, [the aftermath of the pregnancy loss](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-pacific-southwest/miscarriage-fetal-anomaly-and-demise-support#:~:text=Some%20people%20and%20families%20find,in%20honor%20of%20your%20pregnancy.) may be felt differently by each partner and it can start to wear on the relationship if you don’t have tools to cope with the grief you’re both experiencing. One partner may feel the loss more significantly than the other, and communication breakdowns can occur when we don’t know how to start these emotionally charged conversations in a secure and connected way. One of the most important things for couples and individuals following a pregnancy loss is having a **space to feel heard and seen**. So often, there is no clear outlet for these feelings, no ceremony or path to solace for people facing pregnancy loss and the loss of the hopes that were attached to the pregnancy. There is not a clear set of steps for handling this grief, and you may even be met with dismissive comments such as: - “Well, you were only so far along…” - “At least you have another child…” - “You can try again…” There can also be **comparative grief** that arises as an attempt to make someone feel better, or make ourselves feel better. Sadly, it tends to make people feel just the opposite. ## 3 Helpful Coping Tips After Pregnancy Loss for Couples and Individuals ![journaling after pregnancy loss](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/journaling%20after%20pregnancy%20loss.jpg?width=500&height=333&name=journaling%20after%20pregnancy%20loss.jpg) ### The Power of Journaling After Pregnancy Loss for Healing Journaling is an incredibly important tool after pregnancy loss because it doesn’t involve anyone else for it to be effective. Each partner, whether they carried the pregnancy or not, can express their feelings in writing without feeling judged or worrying that they might hurt the other person with how they are feeling. When starting, try setting a timer for 10 minutes and doing free writing, or simply writing in a stream-of-consciousness style. Also, you don’t need to feel pressure to purchase an actual journal. Plain paper or even an app on your phone works just as well. Getting your feelings out of your head and onto paper *(or digital paper)* helps your brain process the overwhelming emotions that often follow pregnancy loss. If you feel that writing after a [pregnancy loss is overwhelming](https://www.popsugar.com/family/how-cope-miscarriage-45598799), start small. Jotting down a few feeling words during moments of intense emotion can help. Putting words to our feelings is important in processing the grief experience. It can help you recognize what is really going on with your body and emotions. Once you get the feeling words on the page, you may feel like you can add context or more detail next to the words and continue to write. If not, stop there and count it as a win. **Processing grief is slow and everyone must absolutely take it at their own pace.** If holding on to your writings feels too painful, you don’t have to keep them. You can rip up the pages, soak them in water, crumple them, and throw them away. I’ve done this myself, and the tearing felt cathartic—like letting go of a weight I didn’t need to carry anymore. Remember, the [healing comes from the act of writing](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mental-health-after-miscarriage_l_62042415e4b0328e00212a62#:~:text=%E2%80%9CAfter%20we%20got%20the%20news,loss%20can%20be%20very%20healing.), not from holding on to the words. ### How to Use Imago Dialogue After Pregnancy Loss With Your Partner If you are in a connected relationship when you experience loss, it can be really beneficial to talk to your partner about how you are feeling. There are so many emotions that come up, and each of you may be having a very different experience. When you are able, making an appointment with an Imago Therapist or Grief Facilitator to guide you in an intentional dialogue about your feelings can help you avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary hurt and feelings of isolation. Having this conversation using the[Imago Intentional Dialogue](https://connect.imagorelationshipswork.com/imago-dialogue) creates a safe container for what might otherwise feel like a difficult conversation. It allows both of you to hear each perspective and walk for a moment in your partner’s shoes. It is important to consider timing for these conversations for both partners. There is a lot of nuance, and even trauma that may occur, so working with a professional is important whenever your grief feels overwhelming or insurmountable. ### How to Use Imago Dialogue After Pregnancy Loss With a Support Person If you are not in a relationship, or are unable to speak with your partner about your feelings after loss, you can still process your experience with a support person, therapist, or [facilitator.](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/facilitators/advanced/4-facilitators-and-educators) A phenomenon that happened after my pregnancy losses was that once I started sharing about my experience *(and it took a long time and multiple losses, so there is no time pressure on this piece),* many people in my life opened up about their losses. Learning about the experience of my loved ones who had been through loss was helpful in finding connection and relieving that sense of isolation. ## How to Support Someone After a Pregnancy Loss ![supporting someone after pregnancy loss](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/listening%20to%20someone%20after%20pregnancy%20loss.jpg?width=500&height=750&name=listening%20to%20someone%20after%20pregnancy%20loss.jpg) If you know someone who has experienced pregnancy loss or is [going through IVF](https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-prepare-for-ivf) or an infertility journey, just keep checking on them and keep reaching out as a safe place they can go to vent and share their feelings. If you have been through pregnancy loss yourself, offering to listen, or if they ask you to share your experience, can be a way to experience mutual healing. This journey can feel so unseen and lonely without sharing. When we tell the story of our loss, it can help it feel real in a way it may not before we talk about it, and sharing with someone who knows the journey can be incredibly validating. Timing is everything on the sharing. Sometimes it takes a really long time to feel able to talk about it, and that is ok. Your loved one may not want to share their story right away. You can still offer to [be that person who will listen](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/how-to-be-a-better-listener-in-a-relationship), and when they're ready, they will find you. ## Finding Support Groups and Books After Pregnancy Loss ![Support after pregnancy loss](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Support%20after%20pregnancy%20loss.jpg?width=500&height=333&name=Support%20after%20pregnancy%20loss.jpg)There are a lot of medical processes to go through after a loss, and looking for support often feels like an extra burden. So if you know [someone who is grieving](https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving), researching support they can access is a huge help. When you are overwhelmed with grief or experiencing the physical pain of pregnancy loss, this is a really difficult step. If you are able to look for support options for them and send a gentle email or even just offer “when you are ready, I have found some resources,” then go ahead and send so they have it when they’re ready to seek support. You can also send a list of books that go into the [grief of pregnancy loss](https://www.cnn.com/audio/podcasts/all-there-is-with-anderson-cooper/episodes/31348e06-476a-11ee-a898-17efb89f9edd), or if you have a book or quote that helped you cope during a difficult time, send it along. Not all books will be a fit, just as each loss experience is different, the books about loss have different perspectives and tools for coping. However, reading other’s experiences, and finding commonality or advice that resonates can be helpful in processing your grief. ### Here are 5 Pregnancy Loss and Grief Books I Recommend: 1. [Unexpecting](https://unexpectingbook.com/) by Rachel Lewis 2. [Grappling with Grief and the Pathway to Peace](https://www.grapgrief.com/stories/the-pathway-to-peace-jamie-henderson-warren/)by Jamie Henderson-Warren 3. [I had a Miscarriage](https://www.amazon.com/I-Had-Miscarriage-Memoir-Movement/dp/1558612882)by Jessica Zucker 4. [Your Guide to Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss](https://www.drkatewhite.com/miscarriage-book/)by Kate White MD 5. [It’s Ok to not be Ok](https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/its-ok-that-youre-not-ok-megan-devine/1125708930) by Megan Devine ## Ways to Comfort Someone After Pregnancy Loss: Gifts, Messages, and Acts of Support ![comfort gifts after pregnancy loss](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/comfort%20gifts%20after%20pregnancy%20loss.jpg?width=500&height=333&name=comfort%20gifts%20after%20pregnancy%20loss.jpg) The truth is, whatever you can offer as support, solidarity, and a recognition of someone’s loss is helping. Judge the situation by your relationship, and follow your heart. [Connection is everything when grieving.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-conceptual-revolution/202012/connecting-through-grief) Here are a few ideas you can offer to provide support and comfort: - A blanket - A pillow - A piece of art - A nice note - A text message of love - A voice memo - [A snack basket](https://happyhyggegifts.com/products/copy-of-curated-birthday-gift-for-her-handmade-gift-basket-for-women-thinking-of-you-care-package?variant=45946140098809&country=US¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=17677273894&cq_con=&cq_term=&cq_med=pla&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17676237060&gbraid=0AAAAAolsqXVtnV3ZC2AieEmKq1T27mgh1&gclid=CjwKCAjwiY_GBhBEEiwAFaghvspg5O7Lcm0av9xYlHLuIjZOcAgdWGs8Tfyp-6ekJmgHj-wl1FxMdhoCX8UQAvD_BwE) - A card If a friend or loved one has confided in you, you are their support system, so whatever you can do to keep a connection through the grief is helpful and important. It doesn’t have to be big, it just helps to have something that feels like someone is on your side during this time. Experiencing pregnancy loss is a tender and complicated process. Each experience is profoundly unique and the [grieving process](https://medium.com/@timnasheffey/analyzing-the-grief-experience-4dcae4b48077) is no different. If you are on a fertility journey, have experienced pregnancy loss, or have a loved one going through this, my heart is with you. Know that you have options for support when you are ready and you can go at your own pace through the grief journey. If you are supporting someone going through loss, keep showing up, keep offering connections, and know that your loved one will come to you when they are ready. ## 6 Important Things to Remember After Pregnancy Loss 1. Everyone experiences this process differently. 2. The pain will not go away entirely, but it will lessen. 3. Your timeline is your own. 4. Professional support can help you process the experience safely. 5. Community is out there when you are ready. 6. You are not alone. I am sending love, comfort, and hope your way. Please hang in there. If you are struggling with pregnancy loss, we’re here to support you with [**Relationship Therapy**](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/couples-and-individuals/imago-therapy) and **[Relationship Workshops](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/couples-and-individuals/workshops)**[wherever you are](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/couples-and-individuals/workshops). Discover more about Imago with our [**Imago Professional Membership**](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/membership), [**Imago Professional Facilitators**](https://imagorelationshipswork.com/couples-and-individuals/facilitation), [**Imago Professional Training**](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/professionals), and [**Imago Educational Webinars**](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/professionals/imagoinsights-education). **Connect. Transform. Thrive.** [**Imago Relationships**](https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com) --- ![Allison Dragony ](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Allison%20Dragony%20.jpeg?width=102&height=153&name=Allison%20Dragony%20.jpeg) **Allison Dragony** is a Certified Imago Professional Facilitator, certified in 2020. She holds a BFA in Theater Production with an emphasis in Acting, as well as a BA in Ecology and Evolutionary Biology from the University of Arizona. Allison is a writer, actor, and potter, and she incorporates her art experience into her coaching practice. She has been part of the Imago community since 2011, serving as the Director of Workshops, Trainings, and Practice Development at Imago Georgia with Wendy and Bob Patterson and Jesica Eames. Allison has a profound love for how the philosophy and techniques of Imago Relationship Theory can help individuals, couples, and groups realize their full potential. Her specialties include: - Supporting young parents in finding their confidence, staying connected to their partner, and maintaining their sense of self through the many changes and growth opportunities of parenting. - Providing a supportive space for people who have experienced pregnancy loss or are navigating the tender process of a fertility journey. Having been through this journey herself, Allison understands how isolating it can often feel. Through **Nesting Dragon Coaching** and **Imago Georgia**, Allison offers workshops and coaching that weave together Imago techniques and art to help people move through parenting challenges and the grieving process after pregnancy loss. You can learn more about Allison at: 🌐 [www.nestingdragoncoaching.com](http://www.nestingdragoncoaching.com) 🌐 [www.imagogeorgia.com](http://www.imagogeorgia.com)   Topics: [Marriage Issues](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/marriage-issues), [Couples Therapy](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/couples-therapy), [Creating Healthy Relationships](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/creating-healthy-relationships), [Grief](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/grief), [Imago Dialogue](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/imago-dialogue), [Working From Home Problems](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/working-from-home-problems), [Relationship Help](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/relationship-help), [Marriage Counseling](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/marriage-counseling), [Marriage Workshop](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/marriage-workshop), [Relationship Problems](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/relationship-problems), [How to Communicate Better](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/how-to-communicate-better), [Empathize with your partner](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/empathize-with-your-partner), [pregnancy loss](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/pregnancy-loss), [Grief and healing](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/grief-and-healing), [Healing after loss](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/healing-after-loss), [Relationships and loss](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/relationships-and-loss), [Pregnancy loss awareness](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/pregnancy-loss-awareness), [Grief support](https://blog.imagorelationshipswork.com/tag/grief-support) ### About the blog The Imago Relationships Blog features content from our team of professional therapists, workshop presenters and facilitators who are passionate about helping you discover a new way to communicate and love your life. 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