Let's face it - all relationships require the art of compromise if it is a long-term partnership.
We all know those people that seem to have a perfect relationship, and then suddenly, out of the blue, they are getting a divorce or breaking up.
No human being and no relationship is perfect, and what is perfection anyway? Everyone has a different perspective and answer.
But there are certain traits couples with longevity embrace that can increase your odds of staying together through the sweet and sour of life.
Here are Five Habits to Build a Resilient Relationship.
Habit #1 -The Art of Compromise
If you are in a relationship with someone who constantly digs their heels in and refuses to see your point of view, it's a problem. Being stubborn is one thing. However, being unwilling to meet someone halfway is a recipe for disaster.
Practicing the art of compromise requires shutting up and listening, really listening. Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and be empathetic. You will be surprised how often being understanding works out in your favor.
When you model comprising behavior, your partner will often mirror it back. Not always, but usually, when you act as you want to be treated, relationships flourish.
Habit #2 - Communicate, Communicate, Communicate About Everything
Communicate about the good, the bad, and the embarrassing.
Be specific about your expectations. Being vague about what you want and then getting angry or resentful when your partner doesn't meet your unspoken expectations sets you up for passive-aggressive behavior and reoccurring disappointment.
If you want to go to dinner on Saturday night, tell your partner this so they can respond.
If you need more help with the kids, ask: "I need you to read to the children at night." The more details, the better to eliminate confusion or inaccurate assumptions.
Never assume, ask, clarify, talk about each other's needs. Successful couples are good at communicating their needs and listening to their partners.
Habit #3 - Apologize to One Another
Couples that can say "I'm sorry" last longer than those that cannot. Being able to give and receive apologies helps soften mishaps.
Everyone has innocently (or not so innocently) hurt their partners' feelings at some time or another. Be it out of anger, frustration, or something unrelated like having a terrible day - when you hurt someone you love, practice saying and demonstrating you're sorry.
Habit #4 - Spend Time Together and Time Apart
The happiest couples invest in their relationship and other facets of their life, passions, friends, and work.
Cultivate interests outside of the relationship that you can bring to the table and share.
If your partner has different interests, rather than getting upset, develop some of your own. For example, maybe you are both foodies and love to go out to eat, but when it comes to exercise, you love it, and he doesn’t.
Part of sharing your life with another is the differences.
Habit #5 - Accept Imperfections
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Cultivate tolerance for harmless idiosyncrasies.
Most of us have quirks that are simply part of who we are.
You may love the color blue, and your partner has an aversion to it. Let it go or find a compromise (see habit number one).
If quirks become obsessions, that’s a different discussion (see habit number two)!
Embrace your differences and learn to laugh at them.
Longevity in a relationship is possible. Building good relationship traits early on will help you navigate the rough seas with your shared strengths and differences until your relationship sails back into calm waters more connected than ever.
If you're struggling with resilience in your relationship, we're here to help. Check out our Imago Relationship Workshops and Imago Relationship Therapy.
Discover more about Imago with our Imago Professional Membership, Imago Professional Facilitators, Imago Professional Training and Imago Insights Education.
Connect. Transform. Thrive.
This blog post was written by Mara Fisher, LCSW, MCC.
Mara is a Licensed Psychotherapist and Master Certified Coach. She is also a Certified Imago Therapist and Advanced Imago Therapist.
Mara's career has grown out of a gift of intuition – which she's been aware of since childhood – and a natural inclination for using that gift to help empower others. Guiding and coaching feel as adventurous to her as the way she's lived her life. Born in New York City, Mara took European trips in her youth and has lived in England, France, and New Mexico in the United States.
Mara believes the boldness and confidence she gained through taking risks and expanding boundaries have contributed to her personal and professional successes. She loves seeing the joy in her clients when they find the courage to challenge themselves and transform their lives as well.
Mara has been a perpetual student, always exploring her inner self by learning new skills and techniques that help her to understand herself, other cultures, and what it is that makes us human. She applies that learning in a way that enables her clients to live fully in the present, to face the challenges in their futures, and to live their dreams.
For nearly three decades, Mara has focused on methods that help her clients realize that they already have answers to their questions. Instead of letting them give their power to her because she can often intuit what is going on in their lives, she can help them claim their power and solve their own problems.
Today Mara serves clients all over the globe through telephone and email communications. Her approach with each individual is uniquely shaped by who the person is and by their circumstances and needs. Tools and techniques selected for each client come from the expertise she's built during her career.
Check out Mara's website too!
